How to Have the Senior Care Conversation with Mum or Dad
Starting the senior care conversation with a loved one feels daunting—we get it. But it doesn't have to be. Here's our guide to approaching the subject.
Senior Care Conversations: Understanding Both Sides
It’s always difficult to approach the senior care conversation if you aren’t sure what reaction you’ll get. It’s a sensitive subject with many layers. What does Mum or Dad think? And are they ready to accept help?
Sometimes, it’s also because you don’t know what Mum or Dad might need going forward. After all, no one tells us what getting older looks like or what you need to do!
For most families, that fear is precisely what prevents them from having one of the most important conversations—caring for Mum or Dad as they get older.
The art of starting the care conversation is about understanding both sides.
In most cases, Mum or Dad may know they need help, but they are still determining what that looks like or how it will affect their independence. Remember, they’ve been looking after themselves since before you were born. And while they are older now, they often feel like a much younger version of themselves.
They are still capable in many ways, but asking for help feels like dependence rather than independence. How you handle that aspect will be critical.
Likewise, you also feel complex feelings about acknowledging Mum or Dad’s ageing. You may feel sadness, grief and confusion about what to do next. You may also feel anxiety and guilt because you know that for some or most of that journey, you are going to need to ask for professional help, and somehow, that feels like letting Mum or Dad down.
There are two things here: first, no one, and we mean no one, can do everything for everyone. The best approach to senior care is to be open to home care services early on. Second, with the right home care, Mum and Dad can thrive—quite the opposite of the myths centred around senior care.
About Home Care for Seniors
We mentioned Home Care, and for many of you reading this, it may be the first time you have heard that term. The same is true for Mum or Dad.
Home care is the provision of healthcare services carried out at home by trained care professionals who can work in tandem with your GP or hospital teams. Home Care can include:
- Home help, housekeeping and meal prep
- Personal care
- Nail care
- Daytime care
- Live-in Care
- Overnight and Waking Night care
- Respite care
- Specialist condition-led care, like dementia care
- Palliative care
- Mental, physical and emotional well-being support
- And support for families
Here at Home Instead, we lead our Home Care with a companionship element—carefully matching your loved one to care professionals with the same interests and hobbies. The beauty of this approach is that your loved one never loses social interaction and engagement, a vital factor for better mental and emotional well-being (powerful in reducing many adverse health conditions associated with frailty).
At First, Pam Was Reluctant to Talk About Home Care Until...
Our client Pam is an independent soul. She likes to get up and do things for herself. So, it was no surprise to her family that she was very reluctant to talk about or accept home care support. Until that was, she returned home from an extended stay in the hospital.
“Coming out of the hospital, I definitely needed a bit of help, and although my daughter was absolutely fine helping me, she didn’t feel qualified to support me with washing or getting up. Thankfully, my strength picked up, and I’m more able now.” Pam says.
“I’ve tried NOT having my hour of support every morning, but I really missed it. It just gives you that start you need,” Pam continues. “It gives you a lot of reassurance and someone to talk to, someone to ask, is this alright? Is that alright?”
“I often get very breathless now, so having my breakfast brought to me, having the bed made, and various other jobs I just can’t do is bliss! I find it very worthwhile.”
Pam now realises that she can have care on her terms. To support her independence and not take it away. You see, it is a myth that home care is an all-or-nothing approach. You aren’t confined, restricted or suppressed. In fact, quite the opposite; at Home Instead, we want to build you up and help you enjoy life. You can also scale home care up or down as you need it. It is there for the sole purpose of assistance, reassurance and a little security when you need it.
4 Tips For Starting the Senior Care Conversation
Now that you’ve heard about some of the available care options and better understand emotional responses to the subject of care, let’s look at starting the senior care conversation.
Here are 4 helpful tips for starting the care conversation with Mum or Dad.
- Pick the best moment to approach the subject: One of the best ways to explore senior care is to have “in-the-moment” or incremental conversations about which services might help and when.
- Pick the best time and place to chat about senior care: Home is the best place to discuss care provision. It should also be when Mum or Dad can give you their best focus. We always tell the families we work with that care conversations are best over a good cup of tea—a casual but informative chat that allows everyone to be open, honest, and understanding.
- Include your loved one: The most straightforward conversations are inclusive conversations, and in the case of senior care, it’s where Mum or Dad feel they have choices and control over their future.
- Be sensitive in your approach: Openly discussing how you both feel and what care looks like helps you both understand what role you need to play in your next steps. Take time to listen and give yourself and your loved one space to be heard.
Remember, you and your loved one are on this care journey together. Open and honest discussions about home care can help you navigate this journey, plan the best next step, and feel supported.
Contact us today at 01276 903106 if you would like to discuss Home Care options further.
We are your Home Instead team, covering Ascot, Camberley, Wokingham, Frimley Green, Bracknell, Warfield, Quelm Park and Winkfield Row.