When roles reverse - are you a "Carent"?

When roles reverse – are you a “carent”?

Whilst caring for parents as they get older has always been a part of life for many people, it was only recently in 2020 that Dr. Jackie Gray coined a new term “Carenting” to describe the role of mid-life children who care for their elderly parents as part of her support hub called ‘The Carents Room’.

The entry point of parenting is usually quite obvious: the birth or adoption of a little life that we are suddenly responsible for, whereas the start point of becoming a “Carent”, or family carer, is often more vague. At Home Instead Swindon & Vale of White Horse we have worked with hundreds of families and we notice that often there is an extended build up period of weeks, months or even years, when the grown-up child gradually notices that their ageing parents need more support.

Sometimes a specific moment makes you aware that the roles have reversed. Tell-tale signs that extra help is needed for your elderly parent can include the home being uncharacteristically messy, or your once pristinely presented Mum struggling to get washed and changed these days. Other indicators range from not getting nutritious meals for themselves, to having lost their joy for life and withdrawing from social interaction.

Demands on family carers are extensive: from physical care to household maintenance to sorting their technological and administrative challenges as well as navigating the benefits and medical system.  According to the New Ageing Index, nearly 40% of family caregivers have had to leave their jobs to provide care. This can lead to financial pressures and increased stress, affecting not just the family carer, but the whole family.

Anne volunteers at our Home Instead Charities “Tech Friends Café” which is our community initiative to help local older people with IT/technology challenges. Anne is also a “carent” for her dad who lives 140 miles away. Anne says:

“I took early retirement at 53 to enjoy life – must admit caring for an elderly dad with dementia is not quite how I imagined my retirement to be. However, although there are good days and very stressful days, it’s still rewarding and I guess it’s payback for all the stress I caused him as a nightmare teenager!”

Getting creative is something that helps many “carents” find ways of easing the situation.  Anne is great with technology and has been incredibly ingenious and dedicated in applying this to help her dad.  Anne says:

“I’ve welcomed the use of technology to help me and my elderly dad communicate and check in with each other. Who would have thought I could use a Fitbit to check if he’s got up in the morning, an Alexa to remind him to take his tablets, a GPS watch to tell me he’s fallen or got lost, FaceTime to physically remotely see him and he can easily show me anything that is worrying him”.

The transition into taking a caring role for the person who raised you as a child comes naturally to some, but for others it can be a tricky time. Sometimes parents resist the need for external help despite their son or daughter being overwhelmed. Many family caregivers are trying to navigate their own life and increasing caring duties, and this can lead to overwhelm and risks to their own mental and physical health.  No-one can do it all alone.

This is when our unique care services can provide a positive way ahead. Our Care Pro’s are selected for their compassionate nature and are well trained and supported. That’s why we at Home Instead Swindon & Vale of White Horse received an “outstanding” rating from the CQC.  If you are an overstretched family carer, talk to us about how we can help.

Step 1  Reach out with a phone call. This can feel scary when you’ve been caring for a parent or loved one alone. It can be emotional to acknowledge that you need to let others in to help. One of our friendly Care Service Supervisors will listen carefully to your situation and can answer your questions and give details of the care options available and pricing.

Step 2 Home Consultation with one of our Care Service Supervisors.  We will visit you and mum or dad at home for a Free, No Obligation consultation. It is a chance for us to understand the care needs more deeply and get to know what would work specifically for your loved one. We consider hobbies, interests, personality and preferences as well as mobility and care needs.

Step 3 The matching process. We put your parent at the heart of the process and choose a Care Pro who will be the right person for both them and you as a family.  It needs to be just the right trusted person to regularly support your parent in their own home.

Our feedback speaks for itself: in our recent PEAQ (Pursuing Excellence by Advancing Quality) Survey results 100% of our clients say we have an excellent understanding of their care needs, and 96% would rate the overall quality of the service as excellent!

Step 4 The Creation of a Care Plan. This bespoke Care Plan accounts for all the needs and wishes of you and your parent. The Care Plan is as unique as the individual and can include household tasks, preparing meals, helping with washing, dressing, or activities out of the home like shopping or taking Mum or Dad to social groups. Our services can also include support with taking medication, personal care, live-in and dementia care. We also offer a nail care service which can be either separate to care or as part of your plan.

Step 5 Visit begins This is when the magic happens: the Care Pro visits start happening and Mum or Dad enjoy the company and help of their Care Pro and build a personal relationship. At all stages we believe in open, responsive communication and the office team are here to ensure everything runs smoothly and answer any queries or address any changes needed.

At this point the family carers can start to get a better life balance as they have us on board.  ‘Carents’ are often able to go back to being daughter/son again and spend quality time with Mum or Dad, having been relieved of many of the practical demands.

If you would like some further information about Carents, please visit the Carents Room website: https://carents.co.uk

If you are interested in Home Care see if Home Care in Swindon & the Vale of White Horse could be right for you or your loved ones.

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